Celebrity Endorsements « Sauro Motel

The Devil went down to Georgia… actually, he flew down on Delta on Labor Day from Belmar, New Jersey where he had just enjoyed a summer half-share. He was actually 45 minutes late for his fiddle showdown; having never flown into the Atlanta airport before, he rode that train back and forth for 25 minutes before he found baggage claim. The Devil had to wholeheartedly support a poultry salesman from Arkansas who pleaded out of frustration: “Jesus Christ, where’s the baggage claim?!”

I’m sure you know the story told in the song. The Devil jumps up on a hickory stump and challenges “Johnny” to a fiddle-off. The Devil goes first, and, backed by a band of demons playing funk guitars, does quite well considering that his fiddle is out of tune. Hitler, who had been given the relatively simple task of re-stringing the instrument, had once again failed miserably. Never one to make excuses or blame his subordinates, the Devil gamely went forward with the challenge. Smug Johnny, however, is “the best there’s ever been” and easily wins the fiddle of gold and saves his soul.

Although the Devil graciously acknowledges his defeat, Johnny calls him a son-of-a-bitch, confirming a suspicion the Devil has had for hundreds of years that Southern Hospitality is a myth.

Following his humiliating loss, the Devil retreated to South Beach and now spins disks at Mansion under the avatar “Lucifer.” Getting the last laugh, the Devil hits on attractive 25-year-olds from Syosset in Redroom at Skybar while Johnny futilely waits at the hickory stump for a Julliard Grad to happen to pass by so he can kick her ass at fiddling.

ONB Trivia

Charlie Daniels sports the largest belt buckle in the history of the world.

“A Girl Like You”

Edwyn Collins (1995)

This song is that unique One Hit Wonder embraced by both the general public and medieval scholars (because of its reference to “days of yore”). The girl, unlike any other the singer had ever known, somehow makes him “acknowledge the Devil in me.” This frightens the singer and leads him to “hope to God I’m talking metaphorically; I hope that I’m talking allegorically.”

I can conclusively confirm for you all that the Devil was not literally inside this guy; the Devil had far better things to do, including devoting 2 hours each day to the “Quick Pickin’, Fun Strummin’ Home Guitar Course,” to waste time interfering with this singer’s misguided relationship with his insecure, dominatrix girlfriend.

Putting the unfair portrayal aside, I do applaud the song for its use of the words “metaphorically” and “allegorically” to promote flowery language in popular culture. At the time, linguists everywhere excitedly exclaimed: “Fuckin’ A. We finally broke the Top 40!” (Their previous highest charter had been a Top 100 alliteration-laden novelty song that Casey Kasem had found witty).

ONB Bonus Trivia

The Devil actually played the digital synthesizer on the demo track for this song but his part was unfortunately dumped by producer Jimmy Iovine as too “tinny-sounding” during pre-production.

MUSIC N’ MOVIES

The song "Lonely Ol’ Night" (John Mellencamp, 1985) and the film "Hud" (1963). The beautifully photographed, black and white "Hud" starred Paul Newman, Patricia Neal, and Melvyn Douglas, among others. Adapted from the Larry McMurtry novel, Horseman, Pass By, it received 7 Oscar nominations, with Oscar wins for Neal and Douglas. The central conflict is between the painfully honest, principled father, Homer (played by Douglas), and the cheating, narcissistic son, Hud (played by Newman). Homer had long given up on Hud, saying: "You just live with yourself and that makes you not fit to live with." They live a small town in Texas cattle country where Dr. Pepper rules and art spins to the populace courtesy of the paperback rack at the drugstore.

Mellencamp found inspiration in the following exchange between Hud and his nephew, Lon, who are on their way into town for a night of carousing:

"It’s a lonesome old night, isn’t it?"

"Ain’t they all."

Other than the housekeeper Alma (played by Neal), Hud can charm any woman into bed. Lon initially is seduced by the cocky winner, Hud, but ultimately sees through and rejects Hud. Lon departs the ranch to make his own way in the world, leaving Hud all alone. By that time, Homer had suffered a heart attack and died (after his precious longhorns had contracted hoof and mouth disease and been exterminated), and Alma had boarded a Trailways bus to an uncertain future with unknown companions.

At least in Mellencamp’s song, the night is custom made for two lonely people. In Hud, no two are left together. Then again, we don’t even know the names of the two people in the song. Maybe that’s why Mellencamp named one of his sons Hud in 1994.

INAPPROPRIATE SONGS THAT WON’T DIE

In an era of heightened political correctness, we are baffled how the following two songs (originally released in the early 1980’s) seem to climb the radio charts every 5 years or so:

"Into the Night"

Benny Mardones (1980)

This song ("If I could fly, I’d pick you up, I’d take you into the night and show you a love, like you’ve never seen, ever seen…") apparently tells the story of a middle-aged man’s forbidden lust for a 16 year-old girl. Something of an In-Your-Face ballad to those fools "who don’t know what love is yet," this song makes us think it’s just a matter of time until Chris Hanson asks Mr. Mardones to take a seat.

"Total Eclipse of the Heart"

Bonnie Tyler (1983)

"Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I’m only falling apart, there’s nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart."

Actually, the song lyrics weren’t offensive, it was the bizarre video. The set was a smoke-filled, private all-boys high school located deep within the Evil Empire. Flying altar boys with glowing eye sockets (aka "Bright Eyes") were the most normal characters in a video populated with enough sexual innuendo to make Elton John blush. If the Radio Gods have to re-release one of Ms. Tyler’s songs every so often why can’t it be the vastly superior and uplifting "It’s A Heartache"?

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